


Our Beautifully Hideous Love Child

by Akira_of_the_Twilight



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Borderline crack, Bucky is a little shit, But a Loving One, Fluff, M/M, Ridiculousness, Ugly Motorcycle, adoration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 20:39:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5178824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akira_of_the_Twilight/pseuds/Akira_of_the_Twilight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What the heck is that?” Steve’s eyes were burning from the hideousness before them.</p><p>Tony scoffed and wagged his finger at Steve. “I just gave birth to our child of love and you’re already saying such hurtful things about her.” Tony waltzed over to the monstrosity of a motorcycle and lovingly stroked the seat—the red, leather seat with white wings poking out from the sides of the rear. “I’m sorry, baby, Papa Steve is just old and cranky. You two will grow to love each other though.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Our Beautifully Hideous Love Child

“What the heck is that?” Steve’s eyes were burning from the hideousness before them.

Tony scoffed and wagged his finger at Steve. “I just gave birth to our child of love and you’re already saying such hurtful things about her.” Tony waltzed over to the monstrosity of a motorcycle and lovingly stroked the seat—the red, leather seat with white wings poking out from the sides of the rear. “I’m sorry, baby, Papa Steve is just old and cranky. You two will grow to love each other though.”

Beside Steve, Bucky snickered.

Steve whirled on Bucky and whispered harshly, “Did you put Tony up to this?”

Bucky smirked. “Me? What are you talking about, Steve? You were the one who a couple of weeks ago mumbled something about how it would be better if you had a motorcycle dedicated to Avenger duties, that way you’d still have your personal one after the next Godzilla-like monster comes into town and crushes your duty bike.”

“Bucky helped me put it together.” Tony grinned like he was utterly blind to what a hideous and gaudy mess of American patriotism the bike was. “Actually, he did a lot of the putting it together. I mostly calculated out the parts so we could make sure you had the best speed and maneuverability—along with a few special gadgets, but we can go over those later. Point is: baby here is our love child. Parts designed by me, built by Bucky, and Steve—our resident artist—you, my darling love, picked our decorative scheme.”

“I did?” Steve deadpanned.

Bucky’s smirk grew. “You did.”

Steve frowned and searched his memory for the recollection. If it were just Tony making the claim, Steve would have brushed it off as Tony extrapolating and exaggerating. Since Bucky was backing up Tony’s claim, Steve took it more seriously. For the life of him, though, he couldn’t recall any conversations with Tony about a color scheme for a motorcycle. “When?”

Tony huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Dinner? Two weeks ago? Right after you mentioned getting a second bike? I asked you what you’d like it to look like.”

Whatever answer Steve had given, he couldn’t have possibly meant _this_.

The bike was covered in red, white, and blue, which Steve could have handled, especially if done strategically. There were ways the three colors could be combined so that it didn’t appear that the artist using them had a passionate attraction to a flag. What Tony had done went beyond just splashing on the colors and hoping for the best, he’d added stars and wings everywhere. Even the tires had stars on them! Wings sprouted from the grips! It was the kind of design a five-year-old would have come up with.

“You said you wanted it to go with your uniform,” Tony said.

Steve’s brain stopped screaming at the bike’s tacky features long enough to process Tony’s words. Steve realized he had said something like that two weeks ago.

Steve rubbed the back of his neck. “I hadn’t expected you to make a bike when you asked me then.”

Bucky feigned a snort of amusement to distract Tony from the elbow he smashed into Steve’s ribs. “C’mon, Steve, you should know Tony better by now. You say you want something new and shiny that he can build? He’ll make it for you.”

Crap. Bucky was right, and Steve could see just how excited Tony was about the hideous bike. If Steve kept up his disapproving act, it wouldn’t be long before Tony’s excitement would turn fake and he’d spend the next few days moping about because of some misguided guilt about failing Steve.

“So what do you say, Steve?” Tony nudged the motorcycle. “You ready to take her out for a test drive?”

Steve could already envision the pictures covering the newspapers and magazines tomorrow, and all of the quips in the headlines that would be aimed at him and the bike.

Those things didn’t matter though.

What mattered was that Tony and Bucky had taken the time to build him a new motorcycle, and Tony especially wanted Steve to love it, so love it Steve would. The gaudiness might burn his eyes, but he’d love it, because his two boyfriends had made it for him.

Steve strolled up to the bike and put his hands on the grips. “Sure, let’s see how fast this thing goes.”

Tony beamed, and Steve melted.

Yeah, he loved the bike.

And honestly, it might be his most dangerous weapon now; he could burn his enemies’ retinas out with it.


End file.
